Mitch Hedberg Remembered
My brother sent me this email today. It was not a pleasant one to read.
almost all,
today is a sad day. and, don't worry, this time i'm not bitching and moaning about some war in some backwards-ass country. rather, today's sadness stems from the death of a man who's work i'd admired and probably hacked on more than several occasions. if you are not familiar with the comedic stylings of Mitch Hedberg, i would suggest you dig up some of his work. here are a few of Mitch's words:
"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something."
"I wish I could play little league right now because I'd kick some fucking ass."
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just ' Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again." They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom. Hope on top."
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"I'm not a house-hold name because most of my fans live in apartments."
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."
I am really getting tired of doing these kinds of posts. First Johnnie Cochran, then Mitch Hedberg, who's next Terri Schiavo?
almost all,
today is a sad day. and, don't worry, this time i'm not bitching and moaning about some war in some backwards-ass country. rather, today's sadness stems from the death of a man who's work i'd admired and probably hacked on more than several occasions. if you are not familiar with the comedic stylings of Mitch Hedberg, i would suggest you dig up some of his work. here are a few of Mitch's words:
"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something."
"I wish I could play little league right now because I'd kick some fucking ass."
"I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too."
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order' sign, just ' Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"
"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again." They were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom. Hope on top."
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."
"I'm not a house-hold name because most of my fans live in apartments."
"If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up."
I am really getting tired of doing these kinds of posts. First Johnnie Cochran, then Mitch Hedberg, who's next Terri Schiavo?
posted by Yonder Vittles at 12:55 AM
1 Comments:
A couple more Hedberg quotes:
"I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me."
• "You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish; they just want to make it late for something."
• "I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."
• "I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle."
• "One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture of you is of when you were younger. 'Here's a picture of me when I'm older.' How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."
• "I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shishkebabs."
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